You might be thinking that you really are just too busy to read this and so this week I want to start off with the topic of busyness and the impact it has on us all.
Today everyone is busy. I had a chat with a friend recently that went something like this. “How is work going?” my friend asked me. “Very busy” I replied. “How about you” I asked. Yeh me to, so so busy” he replied with a sigh. Does this kind of conversation sound familiar? It seems that everyone is busy….being busy.
With machines and technology doing so much of our work, you might have thought that in the 21st century we should have so much more time on our hands. Indeed, in 1930, economist John Maynard Keynes predicted that with the advance of technology, by the turn of the century people would only be working a maximum of 3 hour days. How wrong he was. Instead we are running around in a frantic world choking on more stress, pressure and busyness than ever before. Faster and faster we go in the pursuit of jamming more into the day with endless tasks to complete, deadlines to meet and responsibilities to take care of. We have no choice but to multi task and juggle tasks in our constant battle to conquer the ‘to do’ lists of modern life. We hardly have time to draw breathe before we have to be busy with the next assignment.
It is no surprise that this relentless busyness is having a huge impact on our emotional health.
Some time ago a very wealthy business man was referred to me. He was already taking medication for anxiety and panic attacks. He told me about his punishing schedule, waking up early in the morning, being at work before anyone else, his regular travels and his involvement in communal matters as well as trying to fit his family in too. I did not need a psychology degree to work out why he was in the state he was in. Our bodies are not built to withstand constant busyness and, if we impose this on ourselves, in the long term we set ourselves up for the consequences of anxiety, depression, headaches, insomnia, and (chas v’sholom) heart attacks. In addition, when we are too busy, we don’t have the time to exercise enough, eat nutritious food, or get enough sleep or relaxation.
The first question to ask is why are we so busy. The simple answer is that there is a lot to be busy with. Parnassa to make, children and families to look after and our religious obligations to fulfil. However, previous generations also had these commitments and their pace of life was far slower. I think being busy has become a status symbol. A badge of honor. Our society puts a high value on being busy and we are conditioned to believe that being busy equates to being good, worthy, and successful. Sometime ago I attended a conference of medical experts. I recognized one of the participants from when we studied in university together and ambled over to say hello. Before I had a chance to ask him how he was, he started telling me how busy he was and how he wished he would have more time. I hadn’t even opened my mouth, let alone asked him how busy he was and yet he felt the need to inform me.
Our technologically fast paced world has also conditioned us to be content only when we are keeping up to this frenetic pace. We have become used to get everything instantly and so we become irritated if we have to wait and we become frustrated if we are doing nothing. When there is a void, a space and a gap in our day, we feel compelled to always be “doing” something because the alternative seems strange and unfamiliar. I was recently on the train and noticed how train journeys have changed over time. It used to be that you would see people resting, reading, chatting and enjoying one’s own company. Now with the advent of WI FI it has become business, phones, lap tops and some more business if there is still time before the train reaches its destination. We fool ourselves into believing that we don’t have enough time. But perhaps we have got it wrong. Time is not the problem. It’s the habits we have developed that are the problem.
So how can we become unbusy? (if that’s a word)
The first thing we can do is stop the glorification of being busy. Being busy does not need to define you. So, repeat after me “its ok not to be busy.” Having rest is vital to us all and if various restful activities are worked into the daily diary then we can start correcting the “busy” habit. I know of one man who, every week no matter what, takes a day off to spend quality time with his family and himself. We all need to re think our priorities. What’s really important to us and how we can ensure that we are not pulled away by our busyness. Often, it’s having the ability to say no. We might be rushed off our feet and then someone asks us to put in the already cluttered diary yet another activity. We have an internal battle of not really wanting to do it, yet finding it so hard to say no. By being more assertive and having firmer boundaries on our time limits, we can free ourselves up from the endless tasks.
We need to acknowledge that advances in technology have further imprisoned us in the trap of busyness. With the constant barrage of phone calls, emails, texts, watsapps and tweets, even a spare minute is now accounted for. What can we do? The best solutions are the simplest ones. A team of well paid, European researchers set about discovering how we can overcome our attachment to mobile phones. After a few years they published their findings. They revealed that if we learn to keep our phone on silent and during particular times to even switch them off, then we can free ourselves from their grip. I know what you are thinking, that even you could have worked that out. Maybe you are even thinking that if research is so easy and you could do with the extra money, then perhaps you should become a researcher. If you are, I’m surprised at you. Don’t you think you are busy enough!?
Rabbi Yaakov Barr is an accredited Psychotherapist and clinical supervisor living in London. He works in private practice treating adults and adolescents. He received semicha from Harav Moishe Sternbuch Shlita and has an MSc degree in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). He devotes time writing and speaking on emotional health awareness.
