I was shopping in my local kosher supermarket and an elderly man stopped me, asking if I was the ‘psycho man who wrote in the Tribune.’ I assumed by his pleasant and complimentary description that he meant me and so I nodded in the affirmative. He then proceeded to thank me for my articles but with a request that the next article should be something different, a new topic. As I said goodbye I continued perusing the food isles, pondering about what sort of topic would please the man.
When I arrived home, laden with bags, I realised that I had actually forgotten to bring back the items of food for which my wife had sent me to the shops in the first place. I then also realised that I did now have a topic that I thought would get the elderly man’s approval.
When I had been in the shop my mind had been preoccupied with all sorts of ideas of what I could write about. My mind was not focused on the reason why I was actually in the shop in the first place.
Most of us find that our mind is very rarely in the present. A recent study found that people spend half their waking hours thinking about something other than what they’re actually doing and this mind wandering typically causes unhappiness. People consistently reported being happiest when their minds were focused on what they were actually doing, but seldom does this happen. We are all too often unable to experience what’s happening now, because we are too busy thinking about what needs to be done tomorrow or we are distracted by thoughts about what happened yesterday. At its most extreme, worrying about the future can lead to anxiety disorders, whilst lamenting the past may cause depression.
I remember once hearing a lecture by a psychologist who dealt with terminally ill patients. He explained that a key aspect to his work was to help provide a sense of “now” for the dying, to enable them to make the most of their time, to live their life with purpose, dignity and support, to make the most of the present, rather than getting too caught up regrets of the past or fears for the future. His work is clearly meaningful and valuable. But listening to this psychologist made me wonder why so many people might wait till they’re dying to learn how to make the “now” such an important part of their life.
The opposite of living on automatic is something called “mindfulness.” Mindfulness is a concept which is revolutionising the world of psychology. It is so simple. Mindfulness is about returning your attention again and again to whatever you are doing right now without arguing with its reality. Mindfulness is a capability that we already have, it’s just been a bit neglected and underdeveloped. It’s not easy and like many any other skills needs a certain level of effort, time and patience.
Try it when you wake up in the morning. Be fully aware of yourself saying modeh ani. Make a point of noticing water splashing onto your hands as you do negel vasser. Listen to the morning sounds and pay attention to the way you get dressed each day. Even something as simple as putting on shoes can be a mindful practice if you slow down and pay attention to what you are doing.
Of course, being able to work on having a clearer head, free of thinking ‘overload’ will have a huge impact on sleep quality. Getting to sleep with a mind full of worry is no easy task. Experts believe that the brain uses sleep and dreaming to process the day’s events. Preoccupying ourselves with anxieties and issues during the day, therefore leaves a lot of work for the brain do whilst we are asleep. It’s no wonder then that at times we may wake up feeling unrefreshed and still tired.
Making an effort to notice experience and appreciate the good things in life, the small pleasures and the people and things that make a positive difference to us, is in itself being mindful. If we can work on turning off the auto pilot and the ‘doing’ mode for a few minutes each day, than we allow ourselves to enjoy the richness of life’s journey.
Copyright © by Yaakov Barr
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